My summer solstice mood continues. I'm not actually in a free-for-all cleaning frenzy, the way we often imagine stocktaking. I am slowly cleaning things up, and this has been coming in the form of cleaning my desk and the many small projects on it. I'm trying to attend to each. Often I pick out the fun project and focus only on that. In my life, that's usually whatever writing project I'm most interested in, and you can bet that more often than not, this work is unpaid.
Then, in the few remaining moments of the day, I look at all the other stuff--the things I am paid to do. Often I throw up my hands and make a note to start with that the next day. But lately, I'm trying to focus on all of it. At least for the sake of being able to tick it off the mental to-do list (and the paper list on the wall near my desk). Not to mention for the sake of having one less thing to do.
The other thing I'm doing is visiting my friends who have online homes. I am blessed to have made friends online. Some I've met in person, and that's been great, and others I look forward to meeting eventually. When life gets busy with parenting and work and all the meal making and camp dropping off and laundry of daily life, I'm left with little time to scoot around online and click to my friends' websites and blogs. My new--I don't want to use the word resolution, it's so horrid, really--desire is to visit them more often. Over the past few days I've visited two: Parentopia and DaddyChip2.
Parentopia's written by the two women who co-wrote the book Mommy Guilt, which is one of those books that you pick up to hear someone nice reassure you that it's all okay, and how much more helpful when they're social workers and parent educators. The book is a nice hug to parents everywhere. I like their blog because it continues the same tone. I tend to think about the big picture and the culture and politics of parenthood. Ask me why there's no paid family leave. Ask me why Time spends millions to get celebrity baby pictures. But don't ask me for advice on how to toilet train, or get a 2 1/2 year old to sleep, or what kinds of toys a six-month old would enjoy. That kind of creativity and detail eludes me.
That's why I go to the Parentopia blog. Often they entries are based on questions that people write in, or which come up at public events. The most recent blog entry starts with the story of a dad who is poor, and....
This writing was just interrupted by a call from Maria at BlueSuitMom Radio. Apparently we had scheduled a call-in to her radio show several months back, and all I can say is it's a good thing it's raining out and I hadn't put the baby in the sling and gone out for a walk. We had a nice talk. Maria comes from the corporate and working mom side of the equation, and she, like many of us, is tired of the Mommy Wars, from whichever side the venom comes. We had a nice talk about how sometimes as women we're afraid to say things we think are controversial. Often we are very invested in soothing everyone's emotions and keeping life even-keeled. We also talked about the kinds of judgment we experience, and how it hurts. She told a story about having adopted one child, and then becoming pregnant with another, and having, as a result of a second pregnancy, three children under 20 months. Her first baby was five months, she was pregnant, and someone accosted her for bottle-feeding, and explained how she could pump her breasts and get the milk to flow and breastfeed her adopted baby.
Yes. She could, was her response. But it might just put her over the edge. We talked about why we all feel the need to judge and offer advice, about the feelings of control that gives. I did tell her that on my more generous days I think we're all in a village and people are well meaning. She laughed a bit, and asked about my other days.
I ended by reminding people to relax. To stop sweating the details. And to be generous and kind, as my daughter and her friends were taught in pre-K, where a jar stood ready to be filled with a penny for each act of kindness, whether someone else noticed it or not. And finally, we need to remember that there are so many ways to raise good kids and have a good life.
When I return in two days--suspense here--I will write about Parentopia's suggestion about FreeCycling, and about how great DaddyChip's blog is, and how important it is to hear from smart and caring dads.
Then, in the few remaining moments of the day, I look at all the other stuff--the things I am paid to do. Often I throw up my hands and make a note to start with that the next day. But lately, I'm trying to focus on all of it. At least for the sake of being able to tick it off the mental to-do list (and the paper list on the wall near my desk). Not to mention for the sake of having one less thing to do.
The other thing I'm doing is visiting my friends who have online homes. I am blessed to have made friends online. Some I've met in person, and that's been great, and others I look forward to meeting eventually. When life gets busy with parenting and work and all the meal making and camp dropping off and laundry of daily life, I'm left with little time to scoot around online and click to my friends' websites and blogs. My new--I don't want to use the word resolution, it's so horrid, really--desire is to visit them more often. Over the past few days I've visited two: Parentopia and DaddyChip2.
Parentopia's written by the two women who co-wrote the book Mommy Guilt, which is one of those books that you pick up to hear someone nice reassure you that it's all okay, and how much more helpful when they're social workers and parent educators. The book is a nice hug to parents everywhere. I like their blog because it continues the same tone. I tend to think about the big picture and the culture and politics of parenthood. Ask me why there's no paid family leave. Ask me why Time spends millions to get celebrity baby pictures. But don't ask me for advice on how to toilet train, or get a 2 1/2 year old to sleep, or what kinds of toys a six-month old would enjoy. That kind of creativity and detail eludes me.
That's why I go to the Parentopia blog. Often they entries are based on questions that people write in, or which come up at public events. The most recent blog entry starts with the story of a dad who is poor, and....
This writing was just interrupted by a call from Maria at BlueSuitMom Radio. Apparently we had scheduled a call-in to her radio show several months back, and all I can say is it's a good thing it's raining out and I hadn't put the baby in the sling and gone out for a walk. We had a nice talk. Maria comes from the corporate and working mom side of the equation, and she, like many of us, is tired of the Mommy Wars, from whichever side the venom comes. We had a nice talk about how sometimes as women we're afraid to say things we think are controversial. Often we are very invested in soothing everyone's emotions and keeping life even-keeled. We also talked about the kinds of judgment we experience, and how it hurts. She told a story about having adopted one child, and then becoming pregnant with another, and having, as a result of a second pregnancy, three children under 20 months. Her first baby was five months, she was pregnant, and someone accosted her for bottle-feeding, and explained how she could pump her breasts and get the milk to flow and breastfeed her adopted baby.
Yes. She could, was her response. But it might just put her over the edge. We talked about why we all feel the need to judge and offer advice, about the feelings of control that gives. I did tell her that on my more generous days I think we're all in a village and people are well meaning. She laughed a bit, and asked about my other days.
I ended by reminding people to relax. To stop sweating the details. And to be generous and kind, as my daughter and her friends were taught in pre-K, where a jar stood ready to be filled with a penny for each act of kindness, whether someone else noticed it or not. And finally, we need to remember that there are so many ways to raise good kids and have a good life.
When I return in two days--suspense here--I will write about Parentopia's suggestion about FreeCycling, and about how great DaddyChip's blog is, and how important it is to hear from smart and caring dads.