Play, Really

This morning I've been emailing with Rae Pica, author of the book A Running Start: How Play, Physical Activity and Free Time Create a Successful Child, whom I've never met, of course, but whose book I adore.

I struggle with the rigor vs play conundrum. I do. If there were a 12-step program for parents whose instincts to hyper-train and hyper-educate their parents constantly conflict with their purer values of letting kids grow up without anxiety and stress, I'd be there. Hell, I'd be leading the damn thing.

I constantly keep at bay that voice that says, "If you don't do all the right things now, your child will not be successful, ever, at anything, and it will all be your fault" and then lists all the classes and resources I am ignoring. I admit it, it's a constant battle. Some people battle drugs, alcohol, or eating disorders, and I, a Juilliard trained classical musician and holder of a PhD, battle the anxiety of rigor.

And I resist, with the help of book's like this A Running Start, that helps my value voice. I'm sure that if Rae came down to Philadelphia and saw all the kids running through our linked and open backyards, screaming about going to China, or yelling directions about how to accomplish the latest spy mission, or (my recent favorite), figuring out how to set up a home-made zipline from the tree house, she would pat me on the back and say, Miriam, it's really okay that your daughter isn't a violin prodigy. And I would laugh, because all of this sounds so petty and ridiculous when put to words.

So many stresses about competition and achievement haunt our generation, especially those of us who have made alternate choices about what success means (by the way, I just saw an add for this book, The Anti 9-to-5 Guide: Practical Career Advice for Women Who Think Outside the Cube, which I look forward to reading (the Amazon blurb does say it's good for men, too).  I'm trying hard, as others are, to really show other values to our kids. I grew to adulthood thinking that school and success always had to come with a very traditional form of rigor and attention, and that they must of necessity be accompanied by stress, that's just the  way things are. If there's something good I can give my daughter, it's that work can be about love, that abstract fears of judgment can be ignored, and that stress doesn't have to be a normal part of life.

ps. I just realized that Rae has a website, chock full of info: Moving and Learning.  I think that this is the parenting companion and corollary to my other recent fave site, Equally Shared Parenting.